CrazyAngel

?Philip wait it's not what...? I jumped, the sentence left hanging in the air as the front door slammed closed. ?Penny, stop him, please!? I begged her, ?I have to explain to him.? Penny was already up and followed him out through the door. I tried to stand also but my head was spinning and throbbing so much that I just slumped back onto the chair and waited, my breathing difficult and laboured. It seemed an eternity until Penny returned... alone. I looked around her, trying to see behind her. ?Where is Philip, did you catch him, did you tell him...?? Penny looked apologetic. ?I caught up with him,? she said, ?But he wouldn't listen to me. He said I had caused enough trouble and wanted nothing to do with me and that you and I could...? ?Could what?? I pressed. ?He said that we could... that we were welcome to each other, that he had enough and didn't want to see any of us again. I won't tell you his exact words except to say that I have never heard him use such vile language before, ever.? ?Nooo... Penny!? I grabbed her arm so tightly that she cried out. ?We have to find him. I have to find him, prove to him that he didn't hear what he thought he heard, Penny, please!? ?Come on then,? she said, dragging herself free from my vice-like grip and helping me to my feet. Philip's car was still in the drive. As he had originally gone for a walk he didn't have his keys so at least he couldn't be far. We drove in ever increasing circles, slowly searching each and every road and peering up every alleyway but he was nowhere to be seen. I began to panic, where the hell was he. Penny turned the car around and we headed back towards my home. ?What are you doing?? I yelled, ?We have to find him!?. ?Anna, get a grip on yourself,? she replied, ?Think!? ?Wh... what?? ?He stormed out didn't he?? she stated rather than asked. ?Er, yeah...? I replied with heavy sarcasm. ?Oh Anna!? Penny was getting impatient now. ?He has no car keys, no coat. It is not exactly warm out is it. Sooner rather than later he will come back to get one, if not both of those etimesgut escort things.? ?Oh my Lord!? I exclaimed as the realisation hit me like a hammer. ?Come on, quickly, we have to get back!? My words were totally unnecessary as we were only around the corner from home and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw his car was still in the drive. When we had stopped Penny came to my side of the car to help me out but I pushed the house keys into her hand. ?Go in and see if he is back, I'll be all right.? I urged her. She took the bunch and ran up the path to the front door, fumbled for a moment and pushed it open. I waited and watched and when she didn't come out I hauled myself out of the low car and hobbled up to the house. The front door was slightly open still and I pushed through it with my shoulder and called out. ?Philip, Penny!? ?Up here, Anna.? Penny's voice came from the bedroom upstairs and I began to climb up, step by step, using the handrail to pull myself up. After a minute, my husband appeared at the top and ran down to meet me. ?Anna, no, stop! You will hurt yourself!? he said as he ran down the few steps. He put his arms around my waist and firmly guided me back down the three steps I had managed to negotiate. His touch was electrifying, the most wonderful feeling and I looked up to him and said through blurry eyes, ?After all I have done to you, you still care about me?? He tried to smile but produced barely a flicker. ?Anna, I have never care cared about anyone the way I do about you. I'm sorry I stormed out.? ?Oh Philip. You have nothing to be sorry for. I know it will be a long time until you trust me again and I don't blame you for anything.? I put my arm around his waist, as though to steady myself but held him close to me. I felt him soften but he did not return the hug. Instead he guided me through to the kitchen and held me whilst I lowered myself back onto the chair I had so quickly vacated those few long minutes beforehand. I hadn't noticed but Penny had followed us quietly eryaman escort and was now standing in the doorway. ?Erm, I hate to bring this up but...? she began. ?Then don't!? Philip interrupted her testily. Penny ignored him and continued, ?Sam,? she said. ?She will be at my house at any moment and there will be no-one there...? Philip pursed his lips but bit his tongue and remained silent. ?I looked up at him. ?I have to do this.? I said holding his gaze steadily. He looked away and sighed. ?Fine...? was all he said and shrugged. I stared at him, my gaze steady. ?Philip, do you still love me, even now?? I asked him. ?At the moment, I hate you,? he said. I was shocked into silence. I deserved it, I know but I didn't expect him to say it, not so brutally. Maybe he saw the shocked look on my face because he looked at me and continued. ?I should hate you, Anna and, in all honesty, I don't like you very much right now but yes, of course I love you. I never have and never will love anyone else in the same way.? ?But you don't trust me...? I stated. ?No.? The word came without any hesitation whatsoever and my heart ached with the intensity of a cardiac arrest. ?I know I have no right to ask you to but I have to. Please trust me to deal with this in my own way, Philip.? He sighed deeply. ?I don't really have a choice, Anna. If you let me down again, we are through. I am struggling so much to come to terms with what you have done, there will be no more chances.? ?I know,? I whispered. ?I am grateful that you are still here. I ask for no more than that, especially as I don't even deserve that much.? I reached out my hand across the table to take his but he didn't offer it and I sighed miserably when he said, ?No, Anna, you don't,? he said slowly. ?Nothing is decided yet. I don't know when, or even if I can forgive you and move on but I have to try. You were my whole life.? That word, 'were', almost stopped my heart! Until he said that I was sure we would be all right but now... I slowly stood then sincan escort looked down at him. ?I will earn your trust again, Philip, I will!? Taking up my crutches, I followed Penny through the door and back to her car. Neither of us spoke in the few minutes it took to get to her house, there was nothing to be said and once inside, Penny ground some coffee and filled the espresso machine. Finally, with a mug of hot black coffee in my hands I broke the silence. ?I've blown it, haven't I?? I asked her. Penny looked at me from across the room. ?I wish I knew, Anna,? she replied sadly. ?He won't even speak to me. I suppose both your futures are in your hands now.? ?Yes it is,? I agreed, ?It always has been. I know Philip still loves me but I have hurt him in a way that may never heal. He could easily turn around and tell me I am not worth the heartache, that he cannot trust me enough and that he doesn't want to risk suffering losing me all over again.? Penny nodded but there was no reply she could make that would make things any different. The ding-dong of the front doorbell made us both jump and as Penny went to let Sam in my heart began to pound heavily at the realisation that the time had now arrived to finish all this and move on, begin the long fight to rebuild the tattered ruins of my marriage. I sat waiting nervously, listening to the voices in the hallway as Penny opened the door and greeted Sam and then my heart leapt into my mouth when they appeared in the doorway, Sam leading. ?Hi Anna,? she said, ?I've missed you so much... Oh my Lord! What happened to you?? I was on my feet now and she stepped towards me, arms outstretched and held me so tightly I could hardly breathe. I wanted so much to hold her back but I had deliberately used both my crutches so I would have an excuse not to. Already my resolve was beginning to fade. I loved this young woman so much and feeling her warmth against me once more felt so good. Penny was watching every move, I could feel her eyes burning into me but still I rested my head for a moment against Sam's neck. Her heady scent in my nostrils and the softness of her hair against my cheek. We stayed locked in this loving embrace for a few moments until I heard Penny's soft voice whisper, ?Anna...? I sighed and the thought of lying to Philip came back to me so I gently pushed her back.